


Five Times Raiden Didn't Grab Snake's Hand, and One Time He Should Have

by shuujinkos



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Unrequited, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-03
Updated: 2015-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-21 00:37:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3670956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shuujinkos/pseuds/shuujinkos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It occurs to Raiden that Snake isn't the ideal person to calm him down, even if he wants him to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times Raiden Didn't Grab Snake's Hand, and One Time He Should Have

It was just a small habit he had, it never really meant anything; it was comforting to have something to hold on to, to ground him. Holding on to other people when he was panicking was something Raiden had been doing since he could remember. If no one was around he would clasp his hands together so tightly that it hurt, hurt enough to bring him back to Earth. From what he could tell, it was the only thing that could, without fail, calm him down, whether from stress or anxiety or those terrible nightmares that plagued him each night.

It never occurred to him that sometimes, it might be inappropriate.

one.

Pliskin was steadying himself on to the steps to the higher half of the room and all Raiden could do was stand there and gape. His head spun with the events that had just flown by; that— _monster_ —was something he could hardly wrap his head around. It didn't help that Pliskin was far from comforting, with his condescending tone and the overall perplexity surrounding his existence. Raiden was sure there was something fishy about this guy.

They talked as Raiden’s neck began to itch with how sweaty it was getting; he tried to mask how nervous he was with his bangs, but his hair was so thin that it only stuck to his dampening forehead. Pliskin seemed to have better things to worry about, so he could only feel overwhelming relief that the attention wasn't on him. The monster’s name was Vamp, he was apart of Dead Cell. The radio went off for call for help. Raiden stood frozen and listened, and Pliskin didn't seem very interested.

“Aren't you going to answer him?” asked Raiden thickly. He was holding his own hands tightly behind his back, the only thing allowing him to speak without his voice cracking.

Pliskin only looked behind his shoulder and slowly reached for the radio. The transmission cut before he could answer.

People were dying.

It was time for him to get going.

“Remember my frequency—it’s 141.80.”

“141.80. Got it.”

As he passed Pliskin, his hand brushed against his shoulder, and he wanted to at that moment grasp the other man and hold on to him and break down right then and there—but he couldn't. He stepped past, only to be stopped by Pliskin’s voice again.

“Hey, what’s your name?”

He hesitated and his tongue felt so heavy.

“Raiden.”

“Raiden? Strange code name.”

He cringed and made his way up the steps.

“Makes up for the boring one my parents gave me.”

two.

As Stillman went through his demonstration, Raiden felt like he was going to burst. It took almost all of his concentration to breathe normally. Stillman’s voice was distant, and he could hardly keep his eyes from rolling around in their sockets. He shuddered in intervals, and he was so ashamed. Perhaps no one would notice.

Pliskin was right next to him, but he was so far away.

He slapped the radars into their hands and Pliskin didn't say much before he darted out to the other half of Big Shell. Raiden stood there, breathing, holding this bomb radar in his hands. He and Stillman exchanged a few words before Stillman closed himself up.

Raiden stood there, alone, and he wanted to cry.

three.

Otacon was on the other side of the door, and silence fell between Snake and himself. Raiden felt so worthless. Everything he had just done was for nothing. Almost drowning, dragging Emma around, sniping all those guards and Vamp when he was shaking so badly he could hardly see…It had all been for nothing. He hung his head and clenched his hands together.

He took a beat.

“You think he’s gonna be okay?” asked Raiden as he turned from the door to face Snake, who had his back to Raiden.

“He’s tougher than he looks. Consider it done.” Snake held the disc out to him and the temptation was there, but he couldn't. He took the disc, and stared at it pointedly. Snake was right there, he was close enough to grab.

Instead, he opened his mouth again.

four.

All the calls from the colonel made him want to curl up in a corner, made him want to give up. His head was spinning and the colonel’s voice was ringing in his head, along with the codec every time he called him for one of those nonsensical quips. He was going to scream or cry, and it took every ounce of his strength to sneak through the expansive hallways in front of him without making a sound.

He was seen anyway.

A bullet whizzed past him as he dove through the door, sliding against cold metal. It felt terrible against his bare skin, but it was better than getting shot. Raiden curled up on the ground for a moment while the codec buzzed in his ears.

He needed to find Snake.

He paced back and forth with the colonel babbling in his ear, and then everything went silent. He scratched his scalp, tried to breathe, but nothing was helping. He needed something. He grasped his hands together, and the codec rang again.

It was Rose.

He couldn't breathe. She was a spy? She was…Was Rose even a real person? Raiden leaned against the wall, ready to give up right then and there. All of this was for nothing, all of this was for nothing, all of this was for **nothing**.

“I’m…I’m carrying… **I’m pregnant, Jack… _Your…Baby…_** ”

“Rose? What’s going on?”

The codec cut and he was going to scream.

“Amazing how you walk around like that.” He whipped around at the voice, eyes blurry. Snake stood in a Sneaking Suit, with a box barely visible behind him.

“Snake!”

“Been waiting long?” Raiden sneezed.

They talked as Raiden maneuvered back into his Skull Suit, and all Raiden could think about was—well, it was obvious he wasn't going to get his little cure on a mission like this. They stood next to each other at the door, and their hands brushed together.

And for a moment, that was almost just enough.

five.

He took the dog tags from Snake, eyed them, glared at his “birth name” etched there, and sighed.

“Anyone you know?”

“No…Never heard the name before.” He grasped the tags in his hands and grit his teeth. “I’ll pick my own name…And my own life. I’ll find something worth passing on.” Raiden stepped forward and chucked the tags as far as he could. They looked at each other and nodded. They talked more, and they were so close.

The conversation almost seemed idle.

It was important, of course, and he was figuring things out, but he could only…Think of one thing. To reach out. He shouldn't. Snake started to walk away.

“Count me in—”

“No, you have things to do first…” Snake looked at him. “And people you need to talk to.”

He walked away, but there was Rose. His Rosemary.

She was something to hold on to.

six.

With Rose, he was dying.

In the hands of the patriots, he was dying.

With Big Mama, he was alive.

In the helicopter, he was dying.

In the nomad, he was dying.

Under the ship, he was dying.

In that hallway, he saw a broken man. He wanted so desperately to hold on to Snake, one last opportunity, but he couldn't, even now. It wasn't even the lack of arms holding him back. Their backs brushed as they turned in a circle, Snake towards the door and Raiden towards the Frogs. Sword in his mouth, he listened to Snake’s request to lock the door from the inside.

He took a single, shaky breath.

“Snake… _Thank you_.”

**Author's Note:**

> i can't believe i wrote most of the dialogue from memory, i am a monster when it comes to metal gear solid 2. i have terrible writers block. im trying /sob


End file.
